r a d i y u m ♡

…and the new update for Photobooth. :) 

Chipmunks.

ALIENS! :D

We fucked up.

I love him. Lots and lots of love<3

I don’t know what it is about you, what it is that you do, or how you do what you do, but you just make me just explode of happiness. I can talk to you for hours and I just get happy. Plain and simple, you make me happy. There are no words to explain what it is. It’s been like this every time I’m around you, every time I talk to you, every time I think of you. We just talk about anything and I’m  myself around you. You mean so much to me. Sometimes we’re not in each other’s lives for a few days or a week, but as soon as you walk right back into my life, the happiness returns as if it never left. You make life feel so good. 

I don’t want this happiness to go away. I don’t want this friendship to fade or become forgotten. I don’t want these never ending smiles that hurt my cheeks to leave. 

You are happiness. 

I just wonder if I’m yours. 

Tell me something that’ll save me
I need a man who makes me alright
Just tell me when it’s alright
Tell me something that’ll change me

I’m gonna love you with my hands tied
Show me your teeth
Just tell me when
Show me your teeth
Open your mouth boy
Show me your teeth
Show me whatcha got
Show me your teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth

Help need a man
Now show me your fangs.

So I’m bored and I wanna make one of my very best friends SMILE! Remember at Disney the other day you were like, “Sarah, how could you go to Disneyland on National Ice Cream Day and not get ice-cream? If that wasn’t today, WE WOULDN’T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.” :D Well, you lovable bastard, I AM EATING ICE-CREAM AND I THOUGHT OF YOU! Look how cute I am thinking of you and nomnoming on this:

I only have Neopolitan ice-cream at home and I’m a gordita and I sneak only the vanilla and strawberry ice-cream with chocolate syrup, MWAHAHAHAHA. What’s with our froyo and ice-cream obsession?! Oh well, I like it. It’s tasty. & Pardon my jankness, I just got out from a night swim. 

I AM QUASIMODO. That one’s dumb, but I’m adorable and you love me. Yes. I love you Veezy!<3

I’M SUPER LATE ON THIS POST, BUT HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II WAS FUCKING EPIC.

THERE WERE PARTS WHERE I WAS LIKE:

AND EVEN MORE PARTS WHERE I WAS LIKE:

THEN BASICALLY THE WHOLE END OF THE MOVIE I WAS LIKE:

My favorite part in all of the seven magnificent books is the chapter called “A Prince’s Tale,” and that was definitely the part where I lost it on. Dude. That was done brilliantly, just like the rest of the film. These movies brought my childhood visions of endless hours of reading to life, so what a fascinating 10 years it’s been. When The Deathly Hallows book came out at midnight, I did not sleep and read it nonstop and I cried so much reading it. I love Harry Potter, I love JK Rowling, and I love magic. 

All was well. 

Today began at 6 o’ clock when Stephanie and I invited our very best friends Adrian, Vanessa, Erick and Jaime over our new house all the way down in central Fontana to come and swim in our unnaturally blue pool and play a hilariously fun game called Imaginiff. First off, I did not know swimming in a pool could be as funny as it was with these quirky people because I almost drowned multiple times from laughing under water. Chicken fight was a total beat down and Vanessa finally got me after a very intense battle! (She totally pulled me forward and I lost balance, CHEATER! ;D) Silent Marco Polo was creepy too, especially when I totally grabbed Erick’s big butt when I caught him! (That kid may only weigh fifteen pounds but he has a booty.) & After many, many dives off the diving board and slides down the slide we finally called it quits and busted a quick mission to Stater Bros to purchases S’Mores goods and firelogs. We started the fire in the backyard and played Imaginiff along with Randy and Charlie with loser having to jump in the pool. We’re sneaky and pulled Charlie’s token back a few spaces, so when he rose out of the water after his dive we had to tell him we’re pretty little liars. :D Then tonight was complete with us witnessing a shooting star! :D It was LEGIT, we SWEAR. It was not a UFO or a helicopter, it was so incredible! :) I think I might have wasted my wish on what I wished on, but I’ll have to see. :) These are the greatest kids I’m proud to call my very best friends, they make me laugh and I just love them to pieces. 

Adrian, Erick, Jaime and Vanessa, thank you guys. For everything. I never say it enough, but you guys are amazing. :) & Steph, my very best friend since my first breath, I love you more than anything. I hate that this was your going away party as you go to Mexico for two weeks starting tomorrow morning, but I’m going to miss you. A-hole. 

& NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, Vanessa and I are having our VERY FIRST SLEEPOVER at her house! :D The whole ride over we were like:

We’re gonna be watching Spice World and I REFUSE TO LET HER SLEEP. >:D She doesn’t know this though. :) OKAY OKAY, TA-TA! My shower time is NOW. :)

I’ve moved countless of boxes and furniture, and I did not break one single nail THE WHOLE DANG MOVE. :D

HOLLA’ AT ME, BRO.

I miss your kisses.

Every single one of them.

The big, dramatic, I’ll-pull-you-down-to-my-level or let-me-lift-you-up-and-sweep-you-up-and-twirl-you-around kisses to the small, sweet, romantic peck kisses.

Who I give my kisses to has always been important to me, and I’ll always love your kisses. But it’s not even about the kisses that caress the lips. It’s about those adorable kisses in between it all that are so spontaneous that showed how much you really care between us. Like when you would kiss me on my forehead or my cheek or my nose or my chin or my neck or my ear or anywhere else unthinkable to kiss. You were so cute like that. I miss those kisses that we would steal during red lights, I miss those passionate kisses where my heart would flutter, I miss those kisses where I could feel you smiling. Thinking back, I feel like there were moments where I pulled away from you in public. I wish I never took those kisses for granted, I wish I kissed you again and again. I would do most anything to have you hold me the way you did with all the feeling back then and kiss me with the whole world watching without a care in the universe. Those were the sweetest kisses: when I could just feel your love.

I miss those kisses.

I miss the romance.

I miss you.

I have a long weekend ahead of me. 

Starting tomorrow I’ll be moving into my sixteenth—yes, my sixteenth—housing accordance. Many people at my age can count the number of homes they’ve lived in with only a few fingers, but I need four hands to keep count of my record. I remember every house I’ve lived in, and while the thought of moving all those many times may exhaust a few of your minds, it just all feels like nothing to me. Growing up, I liked moving and I still kinda do, although now I’ve gotten quite lazy at it. Sometimes I like the change of environment, and sometimes I just want to drive by all those houses and see what new family has taken over the house I used to have so many memories in. When my siblings and I look back on our childhood, we don’t usually say “Oh remember when I was nine and you were five and we did this…” we usually go, “Remember in the Ashford house and we did that…” My siblings and I know our houses by the ages we lived in them so it’s just a random detail. We look back and we just know each other’s ages, we know the houses by their color or the big tree in the front lawn or the street or our crazy neighbors or the size or the big second house in the backyard or the pool. No, I didn’t have the childhood of having block parties or being best friends with my neighbors, but that doesn’t matter to me. No matter where I moved in Fontana or Rialto, I was always living with my family—the greatest people I will ever meet and the most important people I will ever need. I think that’s why my siblings and I are so close because we were always together. I’m not angry at all that I’m moving to a new house or that I’ve moved sixteen times; at the end of the day, I will have a roof over my head surrounded by my loving family.

Home is truly where the heart is, and even though those homes have multiplied throughout the years, the heart has always stayed strong. 

Hey guys. In case y’all haven’t noticed, I’m pregnant.

JUST KIDDING. I need to watch what I say, people are silly enough to believe it. But anyways, this photo was taken a year ago last summer, so that means I’ve already had the kid.

HAHA, JUST KIDDING AGAIN. Bet some of y’all were like:

But in all seriousness, last summer my sisters and I went maternity wear shopping for my eldest sister Kathy when she was pregnant with my nephew Zach. In the dressing rooms they had baby bumps for the expectant mothers to try on for I don’t know why. My sister dared me to put it on, it wasn’t much of a dare so I did it anyways.

Look at that lumpy tummy. My gosh I’m adorable.

But besides the pregnant tummy, LOOK AT HOW SHORT MY HAIR WAS. 

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”

TAYLOR SWIFT

“Those things in your life that haunt you are just part of what you must go through in order to become great.”

LADY GAGA

Today I decided to pull out my cool college t-shirt. I’m attending Otis College of Art and Design in the Fall (maybe Spring) AND I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED! It’s the “Rolls Royce” of art schools. It makes me giddy. & I’m wearing my comfy super cheap thrift store Levi shorts that I’ve been wearing all summer, my NuNu hoops and my sunnies. :D 

I’m going to be on my way to get some King Taco with my Mama, Tef, Clarissa and my Daddy soon , yum. :D WHY IS MY LIFE SO GREAT. WHY WHY WHY. 

I’m craving some legit elote from the corn guy that rolls down the sidewalk with a shopping cart honking his merry little horn and makes you this delectable treat that looks like a heart attack on a stick but is actually so damn tasty. Mayo, butter, cheese, chili powder…OHMYGOSH, THIS IS THE INNER FAT MEXICAN KID INSIDE ME TALKING BUT I’M CRAVING THIS LIKE NO OTHER. 

CORN MAN, Y U NO ROLL DOWN CITRUS HEIGHTS?! D:

Oh, and those wheel chips with the sauce are amazing too. I forgot what they’re called. Middle finger to you all who do not understand how delicious this is. Middle finger to you all. I love you, corn man. Thanks for making all my fat kid dreams come true. 

:D

I want you to know
one thing. 

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Well, now, 
if little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you little by little. 

If suddenly 
you forget me 
do not look for me, 
for I shall already have forgotten you. 

If you think it long and mad, 
the wind of banners 
that passes through my life, 
and you decide 
to leave me at the shore 
of the heart where I have roots, 
remember 
that on that day, 
at that hour, 
I shall lift my arms 
and my roots will set off 
to seek another land. 

But 
if each day, 
each hour, 
you feel that you are destined for me 
with implacable sweetness, 
if each day a flower 
climbs up to your lips to seek me, 
ah my love, ah my own, 
in me all that fire is repeated, 
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, 
my love feeds on your love, beloved, 
and as long as you live it will be in your arms 
without leaving mine.

Perks of Tef’s boyfriend being a chef at Harry’s Pacific Grill and a baker at a cake shop?

HE BRINGS US DELICIOUS AND FRESH MADE TREATS LIKE CREME BRULEE AND APPLE PIE AND CAKES AND COOKIES AND OTHER THINGS! :D

This is me and Tef right now:

But not that raspberry sorbet. That shit tastes like alcohol, even though he didn’t make it. Thanks for making me chubby, Randy. 

Who else agrees it’s WAY TOO DAMN HOT TO SLEEP?!

If I wasn’t sharing a room with Steph for the summer, you can guarantee I’ll be this happy camper when it’s my bedtime all night looooooooooong: 

HAHAHAHA, HALF-KIDDING. SoCal weather is insane in it’s peeks. Ah. Oh, and for the past few mornings I’ve been waking up to a bloody nose because of this weather. I love you, California. You will be the death of me, and I will be satisfied<3

ADORE // SARAH!

“Religion is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions.”

ALBERT EINSTEIN.

“Ignore all hatred and criticism. Live for what you create, and die protecting it.”

LADY GAGA.

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

And everything you do

Yeah, they were all Yellow

I came along, I wrote (many) songs for you

And all the things you do

And it was called “Yellow”

Your skin, yeah, your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful 

You know, you know I love you so…

And you know,

For you I’d bleed myself dry, for you I’d bleed myself dry.

Look how they shine for you.

I miss you.

ADORE // SARAH!

I am the Box Monster.

Fear me and hear me roar. 

But I’m actually quite the charmer because every now and then I may ask you to feed me Mother’s Chocolate Chip cookies because I’m hungry and you’ll have to put them in my suspicious human hands and you might hear me nom nom on them. Then your mama might come down for coffee and you roar at her to scare her, only instead in jumping in fright, she ruins your fun and takes the top box off of you and totally dismembers you only to discover that it’s Sarah Santana bored of packing.

Roar.

This was Steph, Brudder and I being random. I love these random summer stints we pull. :)

ADORE // SARAH!

Today, Tef and I lured my Mama and Daddy separately to my Brudder’s Mac and took photos with them. These should be framed:

I love my parents so much more than they can imagine, and they care about me so much. I’ve never once have gotten in a fight with them, although from time to time they do frustrate me but from them I have learned that many things are not worth being angry over. My mama is absolutely bulletproof, she has so much strength in her. She always says, “I fear nothing after having seven kids.” My daddy is such a clueless goofball from time to time, but he’s such a sweet little romantic for my mama sometimes. He’s been the sole provider of income my whole life too, but he’s always been so strong for his seven children. My mama made us strong because she’s been a stay-at-home mom taking care of us and making sure we always had a meal on the table. 

In all, my parents are magnificent. & Yes, in case you are wondering, they are this attractive on the daily. But this is them at their so-so moments:

ADORE // SARAH!

DUDE.

DOES THE ENDING OF MULAN MAKE ANYONE ELSE CRY LIKE ME?!

I’m all by my lonesome in my loft, and when the Emperor of China starts listing all the dramatics and kickass stunts good ol’ Mulan pulled like impersonating a soldier by stealing her father’s armor and running away from home, I was totally like:

THEN THIS MO’FO  HAS TO BE LIKE “…and you saved us all.” AND THEN EVERYONE FRIGGIN’ BOWS TO HER. THEY ALL BOW. THEY ALL JUST GET DOWN TO THEIR KNEES AND BOW TO HER LIKE SHE’S THE QUEEN OR SOMETHING BUT SHE’S “THE BRAVEST OF THEM ALL” WHEN SHE’S JUST A GIRL WANTING TO PROTECT HER DADDY. AND THAT’S WHEN I LOSE IT LIKE:

Then the Emperor of China says “The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of them all.” *squee*

Disney movies make me choke up often. I ain’t even mad. 

ADORE // SARAH!

Made a satisfying midnight snack of ramen noodles while I watch one of my favorite Disney movies, Mulan. :D I wish I could be as badass as Mulan. She dressed up as a man for the army and doing so put herself in danger all to protect her father, then she saves all of China. Women should rule the world. Yes, a cartoon character is one of my heroes and I’m not ashamed. I’ve had I’ll Make A Man Out of You in my head for the longest time, and now I want to be A Girl Worth Fighting For. 

But this ramen isn’t bad at all, it was nomnomlicious. :D

ADORE // SARAH! 

Written by Sarah Santana

Dedicated to my best Valentine.

.

I never knew someone like you could make me feel the way I do

Invincible, never vulnerable, laying with you I feel so beautiful

When I was young I always thought romance was word of tongue

Because I never knew, no I never knew

That someone like you could make my dreams come true

The day I met you I wore a white dress and you wore blue jeans

There was something in the air that made you gleam more than you seemed

So I waited ten months for the gentleman of my young dreams

I just didn’t think you’d be everything that I’d ever need

I’m trembling with the thought of possibly never having met you

I believe you can do anything you put your mind to

You listen to me, you read me, and you’re my best friend

You’ve broken down all my walls; I think I might give you my all

With my head lying on your chest, feeling so infinite, I think:

.

So this is how it feels to be in love

And I never knew I could feel this way

It’s ripping, tugging, pulling me inside

And keeping me together at the same time

Billionaires and penny scrapers have searched for this, affection so priceless 

The young and the old are restless, waiting to see if this love can exist

And I can say it does, I can say it does now that you’re in my life

.

I’m wondering if this love affair can last forever

We’ve made it this far through many endeavors

But don’t think we belong to an hour glass that’s running out of time

We’ll relax on the pillars of sand and we’ll be fine

I confess you’re the miracle I’ve searched for through many quests

Because I’ve had other lovers but none of them did ever

Make a cloudy day feel quite like the month of May

I’ll always be aware of the bare fact that there is only one you

If you go, replacements will always feel sickeningly brand new

So take my word that if the world folds that it is my heart you behold

I’m wild enough to dare to say that I believe you’re perfect

Let’s seize the night ahead, continue with the kisses we’ve been fed

I want to hear the world that’s going on inside your head

With my head lying on your chest, cuddling so close, I think:

.

So this is how it feels to be in love

And I never knew I could feel this way

It’s ripping, tugging, pulling me inside

And keeping me together at the same time

Billionaires and penny scrapers have searched for this, affection so priceless

The young and the old are restless, waiting to see if this love can exist

And I can say it does, I can say it does now that you’re in my life

.

If it’s possible for this love affair to last forever

Would you hold me in your arms all night and keep me close to your heart, so tight?

You’ll run your fingers through my hair and mine will caress your skin

And we’ll not feel the need to allow lust to take control of the fire within

To wake up to your face, darling, would be a sleep worth dreaming to

If I could have one wish it’d be that moments like this could be limitless

Because this is bliss

With my head lying on your chest, I’m short of breath

My mind is racing, my heart is too quick to be pacing

I can’t keep up with oxygen when I’m with you

You sleep so sweet and I smile and kiss your cheek

And all that I know is:

.

This is the love I’ve been waiting for

The one that interrupts all that I ever knew before

I’m captivated by your wondrous allure 

A companion that understands me to my core

A lover that romances me and leaves me wanting more

We may not be rich or poor

But we found what we didn’t know we were searching for

We may be young but until we grow sore

We know we have experienced unconquerable adore

The truth is, I can’t deny, I’m in love with you

I’m in love with you.

.

Note: I wrote this song for you a week before Prom. I’m sorry I never showed you this song, and even more than that, I’m sorry I never told you those three words when I knew I felt it. It’s my biggest sadness. I just thought we’d have more time.